Circumstances have changed since the time of my last post on this blog. I shall not delete it as it is a chronical of my life over the past two years. It is my personal history, something I would not wish to sweep completely from my memory.
There were happy times and there were other instances I would not wish to repeat. But in order to learn from the experience one must not forget. One must look forward, and yet recall enough of the past to save himself and those he loves from heartache and pain.
My continuing blog, with a new face and direction may be found at:
Regards,
Ryan
'Big Michael' has given me special permission to post a picture of his son (below) The little lad slept almost the entire time I was there so I didn't get an eskimo kiss today. It seems that our wee boy is faring much better on the new formula and all at the Harrison abode are getting their rest once more.
Ryan
]]>My bedroom window is dotted with rain, yet again. Where is our summer? I have indeed been conditioned not to moan, but dear heavens we've not even had the fans on yet this year. It is July. I recall that the summer of 2006 (in particular July) was sweltering and records were set by the heat. I would not plead with the Goddess for a repeat, but a bit more sun and warmth would be greatly appreciated.
After a phone chat with a very exhausted Michael yesterday we have learned that 'Mikey' has been suffering with colic. He has been attended to and the Doctor has made adjustments to his formula. Michael stated that they feel this should help alleviate the stomach cramping. Ms Grace (Michael's Aunt) has also been administering 'peppermint water' which she believes may also be of assistance. It is hoped that these solutions will allow the adults, as well as the infant, of the Harrison residence a bit of kip.
I imagine that Michael will have many opportunities to learn how taxing childrearing can be. It is still new to him and he is wearing it well so far. Bringing up a child is not something I would like to take on alone. He is quite brave to do so and I am proud of him for it.
Apart from these few scraps of news there is nothing to report. The house is ever so quiet without Michael here. I suppose I am adjusting, but there are many moments throughout the day when I think of him and the way life reverberated with vivaciousness when he was with us. One never knew what to expect. He was often so unpredictable and that alone kept me on my toes. I do miss him, often more than I would like to admit.
To ease my withdrawal I visit him in Norwich. I feel a mixture of emotions when I do. I am happy he is doing well, but then a bit hurt not to be needed as I was when he lived with us. I freely admit that tears will flow when he leaves for Miami in September. He promises that we will always have contact and I suppose because of young Michael Ryan, we will. We usually hug goodbye and I can feel my throat tighten sometimes when we do.
Life does go on though. Sometimes the 'end of an era' is hard to accept, but we must. All of us have our purpose in life... our separate paths that cross and then drift off in other directions. This is part of the nature of human existance.
Be well, my Friends. May you each delight in your day.
Ryan
]]>I did begin a blog directly after leaving BCUK and this may be found at http://crbgray.blogspot.com Reading the sparse entries there might catch you up a bit, but I shall attempt to bring you up to date here and now.
This year my relationship to Victoria has been extremely tumultuous. After the situation that occurred with Michael in January I felt obligated, for the sake of all, to take my stand and leave the household with the Michael in tow. Since that time Victoria and I have gradually found our way back to one another by the strength of the love we now continue to share.
On the 30th of May Victoria gave birth to a healthy baby boy whom Michael and Victoria agreed to name Michael Ryan Harrison. He was a rather large baby weighing in at over 9 pounds. Prior to the birth, Victoria and her council had come to an agreement with Michael and his solicitor that Michael shall be granted sole custody of their son and such continues to stand at present.
Open lines of communication have been kept with Michael, who is now living in a flat of his own in Norwich with his aunt and his son. I have visited him on numerous occasions and, as we anticipated, he is radiant in the role of father. I'm quite proud of him. He is currently still employed by Victoria, but is enjoying a rather generous paternity leave with pay.
Michael will not be staying in the UK, but rather leaving for Miami the end of September. He has accepted a postion with a rather prestigious organisation there and it is my understanding he will take on his new post in October.
Victoria will contribute financially to young Michael's upbringing but feels that perhaps, for the time, it is wise not to put the child through any strict visitation schedule at such a young age. Naturally Michael and the baby are welcome in this house at any time. Victoria and I will likely take on the role of 'family' to the baby without specific titles. As time goes on the parents will make decisions with regard to how enlightened Master Michael will be.
Here at home, Victoria and I have taken life one day at a time, making the most of quiet moments and avoiding stress as much as possible. For the better part of our reunion it had been decided that we would leave the D/s lifestyle to the past. Victoria admits to having been too freely persuaded in the situation that transpired in January, and thus She believed it best to define our 'new' lives by wholly vanilla standards.
This has been difficult in the extreme. I have yearned to serve Her in the old familiar ways that once pleased Her, and She longed to take the lead once more and continue my refinement.
In the past month the two of us have finally relinquished this quest to be untrue to the nature of who we each are. We have adjusted the degree of my service and Her dominance, but not tremendously so. I shall continue to be HM here (thus Severin, the lovely chap who was to take on the role has been informed his services will not be required) and Victoria will continue to be the Lady of the Manor. The rejuvination of our D/s lifestyle has been like a warm homecoming for me. It is much as it was and my heart is completely delighted.
One of the ways in which the dynamic between us has changed has to do with our former views on the institution of marriage. Some months ago (March 29th, to be precise) we mutually decided we should like to be married. The ceremony has been set for the beginning of September. We do hold a rather unconventional view toward our upcoming union, in that we see it as Her taking legal possession of me in Her vows, and I taking vows of submission and servitude. We do not see marriage as a sign of equality per se, but more a sign of commitment that well suits both of our journeys in life. Hers to rule, and mine to serve.
That said, I would like to say how very pleased I am to return to blogging here. I am most sorry for my absence and I shall endeavor to be more faithful in posting and reading my friend's posts as well.
Respectfully,
Ryan
It is not wholly unrelated to the fact that I have a "date" with Victoria this evening. We shall dine at one of our highly favoured restaurants through several courses followed by afters and coffees. All the arrangements have been made by Victoria, although I would not allow her to cover my expenses as She wished to. We shall arrive and depart separately.
The purpose of this meeting for me is to see if anything at all remains of our former relationship and to offer assistance. Nothing in my heart has changed throughout this ordeal.
Knowledge of some events, planned and perpetrated by Victoria, that were less than appropriate and could be considered roundly abusive were the spurs that brought on both Michael's and my departure from the household. But I have not ceased to love Her through it all.
After the loss of Celestia there were many cracks in the foundation of our relationship. As seems to be the case with many committed couples, the loss of a child has the potential to either make or break the union. A traumatic event also lends itself handily to causing mental distress which can often lead to lifechanging breakdowns and severe changes in personality for the persons involved.
I am concerned for Victoria in this. Contrary to the beliefs held by so many internet spectators viewing events from afar, Victoria is by no means an abuser by nature. Until the events of last year She was a firmly dominant but thoroughly loving Mistress.
Despite opinions otherwise from many not in a position to truly know, She has previously always been someone who has loved deeply and cared for Her boys quite well. Like no other, I am in a position to speak with authority on Her character and overall persona.
In plain terms, after eight years of consistantly living in Her care and service I should know who She is to the core.
Other than a breif initial consultation in August of last year, Victoria has refused professional help since we lost our child. Now She is facing Her own limitations and realising that perhaps She cannot recover without assistance. We have spoken a few times on the phone and She does seem quite fragile and a bit bewildered to find Herself in such a state. She deeply regrets the events that transpired the beginning of the year and has profusely apologised to both myself and Michael.
At this stage I have promised to do whatever I can to aid in Her recovery. I should be ever so pleased to see Her on the road to health and stability.
To quash and vanquish the belief that my concern for Victoria and my desire to help Her somehow nullify my love for and loyalty to Michael I shall reveal that in a conversation with Michael yesterday, we both agreed that what I intend to do is for the best. He is in full agreement with my plan to assist Victoria in finding professional help, and following my heart, whilst still keeping my head during the process.
Therefore... I shall look forward to this evening, not without a little trepidation and I shall hope with all my heart that there is something to be saved. To say that I have missed Her is a vast understatement. The past several weeks have been a form of hell I would not wish on anyone.
I shall try to write here soon, as my situation progresses.
CRBG
]]>I couldn't even be bothered to see them to the airport, so great is my fear of falling to tears in a public place. Also, in not going I avoided feelings that would surely have overwhelmed me.
I spent Saturday in bed... sleeping, crying, sighing, and staring at the wall concentrating on feeling as numb as humanly possible.
Sunday evening I got pathetically pissed on a load of bacardi rum, mixed with anything liquid I could find. I drank the second bottle straight.
This morning I was spectacularly sick. Of course this is not much of a surprise.
It was something to occupy the time.
If I am a son to be ashamed of then I shall make it worth his while. I shall be despicable, useless and pathetic. If my current behaviour is any indication of things to come, it will be quite easy.
My mother came to my bedside and spoke to me this afternoon (when I woke up the second time). She is worried, as she would be. She asked me to go for a walk with her and I obliged. She tried to talk to me about how I'm feeling. After the first five minutes of her 'little speech' I asked if we might walk in silence the remainder of the way. We did.
Safely home, I returned to bed and sleep.
It is tea time now. I can smell food but I am not hungry at all. I shall linger a while online and then I suppose it is back to crying, sighing, staring and eventually sleeping... if I am lucky.
CRBG
]]>To say that I am a broken man is an understatement.
My life lies about me in shattered fragments. Memories that are too sharp and painful to touch must be handled and the pain endured if only for the sake of filing them away. Often they linger persistantly and I must seek solitude to mourn in private.
I am told the heartache will cease or at least be bearable with time, but in my current state of mind numbness is the nearest thing to peace I can attain. I am weary with the seemingly endless spontaneous tears that present at the worst times.
Everywhere I go and each thing I might do reminds me of doing so with or for Victoria. No matter what has transpired, I will always love her. There is no remedy or cure for the brokeness of my vows to serve her for life. Even if there is strong reason... I bear the sorrow of one who is no longer held in the heart of his beloved.
As I stated at the beginning of this entry, I shall not explain the private matters that brought about our parting, but will only say that it was unavoidable.
My issue now is with finding my life and attempting to recover my heart.
I have been within the household since the age of 19. I am now 27. Many are the days I do feel as though I have nothing to show for the past eight years. I am home with my parents, sleeping in the same bedroom as before I left.
Furthermore, I am a disappointment to my father, whom I have completely 'come out' to. The loss of his approval and the pride he had in my position as HM in the service of Ms Victoria are no more.
He states he does still love me but at times can hardly bear the sight of me, knowing what I was involved in. I know he is hurt and does not understand, but how I ache to feel more of his love and acceptance of me as a person, as his son... I miss what we had.
Have I indeed ruined everything with honesty?
My troubled mind shows evidence of itself in many ways.
My obsessive/compulsive tendencies seem to have multiplied of late and I fear I am driving my mother mad with worry and likely aggravation as well. She wishes me to stop cleaning behind her, stop rearranging her books and her pantry, and cease picking at bits of 'flotsam and jetsam' (primarily fuzz or threads and bits of animal fur) on the carpet.
I am restless...
I suppose this may be because I have led a highly regimented life for many years. I have had my life dictated to me, the order of my days set for me by Victoria, and without her I cannot seem to get through a single day as a normal person would. I feel so utterly incomplete... so solitary and lonely for her company.
Even now my eyes are filled with tears. It seems this is something I have no control over.
I am in therapy as I have been since Celestia's passing, but with a new doctor here in Cambridge.
I do hope that in time I shall be better about all this, but for now there is no sanctuary. Even in sleep I am tormented with dreams, often of better times with the woman I have adored all these years, since my youth. When I wake I am here. Alone.
This entry has become a dirge, and I shall not continue it further. Perhaps at another time I will be more able to conduct myself in a manner worthy of entertaining company.
CRBG
]]>I do hope to return to posting the promised articles once life settles. Unfortunately this may take a bit of time.
To all my friends here, I heartily apologise for my absence. I shall indeed miss you.
Be Well,
Ryan
No doubt the greatest birthday joy was simply in having them return home.
For all those who wished me a pleasant birthday I express my most sincere gratitude. It was so kind of you to remember me.
On Thursday I had been forbidden by Fiona to stay the main house that morning and upon entering the great room that afternoon I saw the reason. The room was festooned with yellow, red and blue balloons and streamers printed with the words 'birthday boy' in blue. There were candles, banners, party favours and various treats freshly baked and offered up on the silver trays. It was quite a sight to behold.
We enjoyed quite a nice intimate party with delicious Indian cuisine and cake and ice cream for afters. Fiona, feeling a bit cheeky I suppose, decorated the cake, puncturing it with all 27 candles which by a miracle I did manage to blow out in one go.
Unfortunately by the end of the evening I felt a bit unwell due largely to drink. This rarely happens. So I hastily made my apologies, fearing I might be sick, and took to my bed at just gone midnight.
Michael has posted on his blog this evening about the child we expect this summer. He is right in saying that we are all delighted with the current situation.
I will admit that I am slightly anxious about this pregnancy. I fretted about the last one and it ended badly. I only hope that all will be well this time. Michael states in his blog that I am chasing Ms with vitamins and milk, but that is not wholly true. I am also armed with juice, both vegetable and fruit. (smile)
It is a joyful time and I do not wish to dampen it with my concerns. Ms is looking radiant and well, and Michael, apart from letting outside criticism get the better of him, is staying his course, more determined than ever to seek out his path in life; to become a man of acheivement and honour.
I shall be cross stitching a baby sampler for 'Junior' as Ms so fondly refers to the wee babe ensconced within Her. When I find a fitting pattern I shall post the picture of it here.
Be Well My Friends,
Ryan
]]>The knowledge I have could be likened to so many pieces of a puzzle scattered here and there, but I shall state what I know here, for my own mental clarification.
Mistress spent Saturday night with Michael at Ms Liz's estate in Cambridge where he had been sent for additional training. I assumed this would take the place of Her Sunday visit and that perhaps some time on Sunday afternoon She would return home.
I was informed Sunday afternoon by phone that She would not be returning but rather would remain where She was. She did indicate that a revelation would be made to the boy and that he was likely to require Her presence afterwards.
There are those that know I am not in the dark with regard to the information Michael will be receiving. And though I long to be with them both at this time to offer my support and love, I know in my heart and by my own judgement that She is right in choosing to give the boy Her undivided attention. I would assume he has been a bit shaken by the revelation and even possibly in denial when informed.
This evening Mistress rang to say that upon recieving the information intended for him, Michael agreed to a new confirmation date early in the month of March. He had been considering other options.
I am delighted to hear that he will be staying with us. I feel a bit uncomfortable about having had knowledge of what would likely keep him here, but I was bidden by Mistress not to speak of it to anyone. There should be no guilt in obeying Her wishes, but I feel it nonetheless.
Ms and Michael will not return here until my birthday, which is the tenth of this month.
I did inquire as to why they should stay away so long and She informed me that I did not need that information at the present time. She reminded me of my oath to trust Her and not to question Her decisions, in particular those regarding Michael. She is absolutely correct. I apologised and withdrew my petition.
So I am sat here with my thoughts. I am human and thus I wonder, and suppose, and imagine. I am thinking of Michael. I know a part of his heart is likely deeply saddened at the prospect of not leaving to become alpha to the US Domme he came to care for last year. It has been a great struggle for him. I shall be here to offer my love and compassion in whatever capacity his need may dictate.
I also hope that Ms is getting Her rest and taking Her vitamins. So often last year it was necessary for me to remind Her.
I am pleased for them both for truly it is the beginning of a new era in our household.
In time it will become more evident that this is for the best and Michael will realise the joy of his heart in both service and fatherhood. For the time I accept that it will be bittersweet for him.
My next posting will be on the topic of Same Household Submissives. I have been doing a bit of online research as well as speaking to Damon and a few other boys within the Network to get their insight on the subject. I will combine this with my own personal experience and the copy will be placed on Mistress' desk for proofing and approval.
I apologise for the delay. Life does take so many different unpredictable turns.
Be Well My Friends,
Ryan
]]>For a number of days now he has been at Ms Liz's for further training and discipline.
It is deathly quiet here. Like a tomb.
There are no other words at this time. I can think of nothing I wish to say.
I shall be writing on the topics I listed some time ago. I apologise for the delay.
Ryan
]]>
"Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled ourselves for a long winter’s nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"
In the wake of what occurred, my extended family, in particular those that know nothing of my intimate relationship to Ms Victoria, (which would be the majority) are ringing my mother to say how shocked they are to learn that I am a flagrant homosexual and how terribly disappointed she must be to learn of it at Christmas.
What happened?
In short, over the course of the evening the boy became drunk and when it appeared that my cousin, Celia, was attempting to interest and possibly even pursue him, he informed her that he was spoken for.
As I now understand it, she then asked had he a girlfriend, to which he replied in the negative. The next assumption was drawn and Celia pressed on, asking was it a boyfriend he had then. To which he said something that could best be rendered as 'yesh'. This is where I entered upon the scene.
I had noticed a bit of commotion and innocently came alongside the boy to see if I could assist in any way.
"And here he is now", He says. Do keep in mind that I had no idea of the topic of discussion, only that there had been a slight commotion in Michael's general vicinity.
At this juncture a fumbling attempt was made by the boy to procure a kiss from me, which I hastily thwarted.
There is a time and place for everything. This was neither the time nor the place for a clumsy demonstration of lush love. It became quickly evident that he was well and truly wounded. Shadows of sorrow crossed his contenance as swiftly as clouds before the sun, clouds that in this circumstance were threatening rain.
I hurriedly made our excuses, before he could precipitate more than a few tears, and with Father's help led the boy to my childhood bedroom. I assured Father that I could manage the situation alone and that he should return to his guests, at which point he departed and Michael, taking his cue, burst into tears.
Slowly and methodically I made my explanations to Michael for not wishing to make a spectacle of ourselves. I informed the boy, for a second time, that most of the guests did not know of my personal life at all and a few would certainly relish a bit of gossip to share. Our private life is just that and it would not be wise to make all of my family privy to our intimacies.
It proved impossible to get through to him. He seemed crestfallen, verging on heartbreak, and I could find no suitable remedy to ease his upset. He then informs me that even though he is hurt that I would not show affection for him publically, he would still appreciate a kiss here in the privacy of my room.
Realising that this is likely the only way to appease him, I tell him I will happily kiss him, but that prior to doing so I must lock the door. He strenuously objects and I have the urge to throw my hands into the air, gazing heavenward, and ask "What next?"
I attempt a quick but affectionate osculation only to have my face taken in the vice grip of his palms whilst he more than returns my sentiment with vivacious ardor.
As it often comes to pass, when one believes a situation cannot become any more dire, it quickly becomes exactly so.
My mother enters the room, sans announcement and is a bit taken back at the sight of us 'lip-locked', as Michael likes to call it. Although slightly embarrassing, this is not a tremendous problem.
I have, in the past, been able to speak to mother about sensitive matters and she seems to take it relatively well. After breaking free of Don Juan I explain to her that Michael has had a bit much to drink and is not himself.
She enlightens me further, saying that she is not surprised as my father had taken the boy under his wing and shared a bit of his private stock "home brew" with him. Michael, perhaps in an effort to impress, overindulged himself.
I close my eyes and shake my head. Is it any wonder at all that the boy is behaving like a swooning schoolgirl? This does indeed explain it all.
Despite mother's protestations, insisting that we ought to stay the night, I drove Michael home. It was necessary to make three impromptu stops along the bypass to allow for purging.
I could not blog about this Sunday because I was still a bit too cross to see things objectively.
"This too shall pass"
]]>Michael is reclining on the sofa with his Stephen King novel. Ms has attempted to redirect his interest in something a bit more refined, but Michael has stayed his course and once more, Ms has relented. It never ceases to amaze me what the boy is allowed, without so much as the batting of an eyelash from Ms.
It is the quite the same as the hamster purchase last year. He puts on his pitiful little boy look and the love in Her heart rises to the surface and pours over him in the form of lenience and gifts.
I cannot speak of it much, as to carry on along this line would be displeasing to Mistress.
In very fact, it is not mine to question why, and therefore I shall change the subject.
We are having a late tea tonight. Fiona is preparing a meal from one of the recipes given to her by MsV's New Orleans cousin. So this evening the flesheaters will be treated to a serving of chicken jambalaya. I shall have the rice and veg version. It does smell quite nice. Perhaps taking on a hot meal will break the chill.
Michael and I chopped a bit more firewood today. He splintered and blistered his hands because he refused to wear the gloves allocated to him. His reasoning was that he could not get a firm grip on the axe whilst wearing them.
I would say this was a plausible argument if the gloves were not meant for outdoor work, but they are. I fair quite well with mine, and as a result have incurred no injuries to date. In time I hope the boy will learn that my advice is sound.
We have been given our 15 minute warning time so I must spur Michael on to the bath so that we might both wash our hands and faces before presenting ourselves in the dining room.
I am aware that this post is short and filled with much of nothing. I wish all a pleasant night and I shall write next of the party at Grayson on Saturday.
Be Well,
Ryan
Today has been such a lovely day of relaxing and enjoying the company of only those who reside here. After all the stress of the past week it is a pleasure to have a moment to exhale and take account.
Our Solstice and Christmas celebrations have now transpired and I am most pleased to say that both were smashing successes. Michael missed the Solstice party due to being physically unfit to attend. He was dearly missed by our guests, in particular Ms Liz's boys and Ms Tamsin, who inquired after Michael at least twice that evening.
The Christmas party took place on Saturday evening and ours was a full house indeed. Of all those invited only one was unable to attend due to a death in the family.
Thankfully there were no true c*ckups. Apart from the goose liver pate being a bit on the salty side for some, and the large serving tray of assorted nuts being very nearly tipped over by Michael(not once, but twice), all went according to plan.
My father popped in for an hour after visiting his old bowls friend, Chester, in Brandon. This was a totally unexpected surprise which pleased Ms Victoria emmensely. I must admit to being a bit unnerved at first but as it turned out there was nothing to trouble myself about.
In the end Father complimented the wine selection and my general presentation of our home to receive guests. I needn't tell you I was quite touched. Father is a renowned perfectionist when it comes to the coordination of festivities in a stately home. It was inwardly pleasing to be awarded his seal of approval.
Father also spent a fair amount of time speaking with Michael. Michael assures me it was strictly financial talk, but I find that difficult to fully believe. I kept a keen eye and did notice quite a burst of laughter from the two of them at least twice during their conversation. How can taxes and/or various other accounting matters be at all humourous? However, I suppose Michael does possess the innate ability to make even the most mundane topic a point of hilarity.
My parent's Christmas do is this weekend. It is actually the last formal celebration in our diary this year. As I mentioned in the previous post, Michael shall attend with me. I am less nervous about this now. The boy conducted himself very much like a gentleman last evening and I suppose lightening has been known to strike twice on occasion. 
Before closing, I will say that our carolling concerts have been wonderful for both the entertainers and the entertained. Both Michael and I have greatly enjoyed socialising with the ladies and gentleman in the homes.
If any of you have opportunity to give a bit of your time do try to get out and visit with the elderly, many of whom have simply been forgotten or have had all their friends/family pass on before them. What a wealth of life history they have to share.
Michael was pleased to talk to some WWII veterans who told him about the Yanks they'd befriended during the war. Apparently the American soldiers came into some of our towns and villages and stole the hearts many of our young ladies. I think Michael's grin was ear to ear upon hearing this, lol. The song remains the same.
I wish one and all a lovely holiday and a joyful new year.
Be well,
Ryan
This is the time of year in which I find myself tremendously pressed for time. Thankfully I have completed my gift shopping but there still remain other preparatory tasks in anticipation of the coming festivities.
Ms hosts two parties in December. The first is in honour of the Winter Solstice which Ms refers to as our Yule Celebration. This is a fancy dress occasion and rather informal. A meal is served, usually buffet style, and gifts are exchanged, many in a humourous vein.
There is much emphasis placed on the lighting of the Yule Log to give brightness in the shortest day and the placing of mistletoe to remind us that life remains present in winter.
It is a smaller scale party to the Christmas celebration, being a dinner party with invitations for approximately 40, Mistresses and their boys included.
The Yule typically stands as the Network's Annual Seasonal Play Party as well. A time for pronouncements, and occasionally ceremony, as will be the case this year with Michael. I think I shall fully faint with relief when his vows are at last completed.
On the other hand, the Christmas Celebration is a formal, evening dress occasion. Entirely vanilla, as many of the guests are family and business associates. At this function I am strictly the butler and household manager and Michael is strictly Mistress' personal financial advisor and accountant.
I find this particular event most stressful. It was curtailed a bit last year, but this season it will be a grand stage. Nearly full attendance is expected. As is my nature I am highly concerned that all the linens are perfectly pressed, the centrepieces exquisite and well placed, the food and wine perfectly delightful and the entertainment impressive and pleasing to most if not all.
It is my duty to deliver a successful event, especially as the fruit of my labours is a reflection on Mistress Herself. There are only a few little niggling items to sort, but be assured I will be tweaking and touching up right to the last minute before the guests arrive.
Also, my parents are hosting a family gathering at their residence this year. I shall see numerous persons I have not encountered since childhood. Curious though I am, my feeling is still somewhat shy when reuniting with people. Mother will quite naturally pull me to the centre ring and make much of anything and everything she can think to boast about. On cue I shall go deeply red and wish for the comforting underside of the nearest large stone.
Father asked that I invite Michael. I question the wisdom in this as the boy's very presence as my guest will start a whirlwind of gossip and supposition, both of which I would most like to avoid. Nonetheless I have asked him along and he has consented with glee.
It was nice of father to think of Michael. As he knows how Michael grew up without paternal leadership, I think Father would like to take the boy under his wing. I do question if Father might still retain these sentiments if he knew about the boy's strong tendancy to compare him to a zombie butler, aka this character, Lurch.
This year as well as volunteering at the shelter I have scheduled a little concert tour of sorts to a few of the nursing/care homes. A few evenings will feature a woodwind quartet composed of my friends, these being the nights they had available in their diaries. Others will feature myself on piano, playing Christmas selections arranged to accompany voice so the residents may sing along, if they are so inclined.
I have included Michael, writing in parts for triangle, wood blocks, sleigh bells, and perhaps a light bit of snare and brushes on the Guaraldi piece. I have also suggested he lead the singing on carolling evenings, but he feels that British people will not accept his American renditions. I told him this is foolishness and, I believe, an excuse on his part. The very idea!
At any rate, He smirked at me when I made the proposal of the instruments, almost as if I were purposely putting him in a backseat position. I explained that next year it is my hope that he will play a more prominant part, perhaps piano accompaniment to my flute or oboe. His response? 'Fat chance, Ryan.' 
He was a bit more enthusiastic once I presented him with the instruments. In fact Ms felt that after an hour or so the enthusiasm was running a bit too high for Her tastes and thus confiscated the lot. She states that he will be allowed possession of his kit for specific practice times to save wear and tear on both Her ears and Her nerves.
I would so love to natter on, but I've chores to attend to and a bit of practice with our budding percussionist this evening.
Be well all, and may your holiday planning go smoothly.
Faithfully,
Ryan
I apologise for my absence. As Michael has posted, I was ill with a lung infection and spent a tidy little week in hospital undergoing treatment. As I may have stated before, I do not enjoy drawing undue attention to myself and should never like to be a burden to those around me. That being said, you may draw the correct conclusion that I knew myself to be unwell prior to fainting in Mistress' presence and thus removing all doubt.
Happily I am now on the mend and shall devote myself to catching up on all my duties, as well as my strength and endurance will allow. Each day I'm a bit better physically and can not complain. I would like to express my gratitude to those who were about to help me (MsV, my mother and father, Michael, nurses, doctors, hospital staff) and those here whose well wishes were relayed to me by Michael. Thank you all.
Upon reviewing the comments with regard to my next essay/commentary topic I have decided to respond first to Ms Antlady's request and give a bit of background detail. I will attempt to give satisfactory answers to Her questions as well.
Allow me to preface this by saying that I cannot in any way speak for all persons involved in BDSM, D/s, Femdom, etc... I will address matters regarding our personal household lifestyle. I have lived here for seven and one half years and would hope in that time to have become somewhat of an expert on Mistress Victoria's requirements and methodology. Also I might add that this is my perception of our reality. Ms or Michael may see things a bit differently to myself.
Ms Victoria has been training boys for nearly 20 years (by 2009) within Her Network of Domme Friends. She is a Female Supremacist, but a kind and loving one who does not resent the male of the species. Her primary interest, apart from the physical, is in refinement and overseeing the transformation of genetically tested, superior males into fine gentlemen. Her sadistic proclivities fall secondary to Her mission to refine and purify the male in general.
She believes, as do I, that males have a tendancy to brutishness and uncouth behaviour partially due to hormonal issues, and that in order to experience the true fullness of life they should be lovingly governed by a firm Female hand.
I have permission to reveal that I am the 17th boy to successfully earn his certificate through two years of training servitude. Several others, when faced with the full discipline, were unable to finish or simply declined to stay the course. There are limits to what I may elaborate on, but I will say that certain elements of the training are unfathomable for the faint of heart and boys of unyielding spirit were never tolerated beyond the first week.
Concerning contracts:
Michael is technically still under the terms of his training contract which extends to February 2008. Certain exceptions to the normally strict rules have been made in his case and he has been offered the Beta position several months early.
Ms Victoria certainly owes me no explanation, but She has mentioned that the leniency extended to Michael is due to several factors, not the least of which being Her intention for Michael to be the final graduate of Her training.
She has numerous times mentioned that he is unlike any other boy She has trained not only in his unbelievable stamina for physical punishment but in his boyish charm and entertaining personality. It is difficult to remain unaffected by the boy.
I have a life-long contract with a yearly review of my performance. The contract is perhaps much like a marriage contract, an agreement between persons to maintain an association with certain criteria to be met. It is not a business contract, per se, but within the Network a service contract is perhaps even more weighty than a business contract.
Michael and I are not paid by MsV for our submission. It is a gift of the will which we present to Her. Although I might hasten to add that Michael and myself are both employed by Mistress. My position being equivilent to that of a major domo/butler and Michael's being Her personal accountant. This is considered separate, to a certain extent, from our abject servitude to Her as our Domina.
Concerning the positions of Alpha, Beta, Gamma etc... :
The Alpha position is the highest ranking level of service within our household. Many duties fall to this boy as well as his bearing the brunt of responsibility for the actions of other servants within the house. He is charged with responsibility to set the pace and be an example for those beneath him and also to help in the training of the lower boy(s).
Alpha must be highly discreet and hold his Mistress' confidence to the point of death if need be. He is entrusted with much and equally much is expected of him. It is a position of great honour which is usually hard earnt. As Alpha I may, under Mistress' direction, command Michael and expect his immediate obedience without question.
Beta is beneath Alpha to the degree that Mistress chooses. It has been Her intent with Michael to groom him to be a 'Close Beta' which would be perceived, within the Network, as a secondary Alpha. In time I would educate him to carry out each of my duties to increase his worth and to allow more flexibility in our schedules. I would likely share the yoke of burden with him in order to give more personal service and attention to Mistress.
Michael shall be taking a bit of time away in the next few weeks before returning here for confirmation and his induction. He is travelling to Miami to visit with his aunt and friends before making this major commitment.
He has given me his mother's ring to hold as security insuring his return. The three of us have met this morning and he shall leave for Miami on Monday with Mistress' blessing and mine.
His return is scheduled for November 30th. He has asked for a 'Pineapple upside down cake' for his 24th birthday on December 1st. I will do my best to oblige him although I have no recipe as of yet. Last year it was a Red Velvet cake that was quite lovely.
I suppose I shall continue to forge on with explanations and background information in my next entry.
Until my next posting, I wish you all health and happiness.
Ryan
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mikey
I also offer my apologies for the lack of attention to my blog and to my communication with other individuals I regularly correspondence with. There have been many rearranging duties to attend to.
I shall not leaven my blog with the drama of it all but simply state that for the time there is a bit of upheaval and my attentions are focused on pressing out the difficulties.
Thank you for your kind patience. It is greatly appreciated at this time.
Ryan
]]>I suppose anyone facing a major crossroads in their life should always think the matter through, even after coming to a decision. Until the moment of commitment is upon us it does no harm to turn the matter over in our minds until it has been examined from every angle. Naturally this is encouraged by Mistress, as I believe I openly stated in a previous post. Only a thoughtless boy would enter into a union he is not prepared to see through. Ms and I are both well impressed that he is taking it all as seriously as he should.
The boy and I had a deep and meaningful after tea. We discussed various things regarding submission and our beliefs with regard to the rightness of males being governed by a firm but loving Female Dominant. I know I have oft complained about his inquisitiveness but it is a good quality overall. He is eager to learn, and willing to listen attentively to get to the core of an issue.
He shared with me a recent experience he had joining in a vanilla 'friends' chatroom and some of the intolerance he experienced there. I did advise that he perhaps gives too much of himself away. His openess needs to be more gauged if he does not wish to draw attention. The shock and revulsion from those in the vanilla world is to be expected, as the life we lead is far from mainstream, but I suppose he is still most affected by the anti-American sentiments.
The American humour is not of the same flavour as ours and perhaps it is the strong patriotic atmosphere in which American children are brought up that can foster a barrier to their being capable, as adults, of taking a ribbing about their own country. I have explained to Michael that what people here say is probably not personally against him or likely not even truly anti-American as much as anti-the current administration in the United States.
Michael is the sort to take things to heart anyway. He feels that the antipathy of the British media and of a percentage of the public toward his country is most unfair. He states that he considers many of those making the comments to be quite ignorant and hateful. I asked him if he also noted that most European nations do seem to enjoy taking the mickey out of each other and why should the colonies be exempt from this often amusing sport. I admit to using the 'c' word to see if it ruffled the feathers. It did just a bit. All the same he knows I am having a bit of fun with him and that part of the conversation ended in laughter. He knows for a fact that I quite like the 'new world'.
I am considering another D/s topic to address in a post here. The last serious essay was regarding Pro vs Lifestyle Submission and that was written a fair while ago.
Amongst the possible selections are:
Female Supremacy (and why we practice it here)
The Deeper Joys of Male Submission
Working Relationships between Same Household Submissives
Subspace and Safety
The Draw of Humiliation (I should be very capable of addressing this topic)
Some of the Tools in our Shed (implements used by Mistress Victoria)
Various excerpts from my Boy Diaries (circa 2000-2007)
If there is a preference, dear readers, please make it known to me.
Good Day to All,
Ryan
I knew from the moment he walked into the kitchen that he was either unwell or unsettled emotionally. In the end I found it to be the latter. He has a rather obvious way about him, and those who know him well can not miss the signs. He stated he came to get his running kit and darted off up the stairs to his room. He was obviously upset, but I still am not sure what the exact cause is. That is not to say there are no suppositions swimming round in my head.
Naturally, I am concerned. When I asked what the matter was he would only say that he wishes to be alone today to think.
"But what of your appointments this afternoon?"
"Cancel them please."
He betrays himself choking on those last words.
I followed him until he walked out the door, standing nearby as he dressed and laced up his trainers. Difficult as it was I tried very hard not to press. When he rose I moved closer and attempted to embrace him. A tear down the cheek and then the shake of his head. No, he would not have it.
I feel I must respect his need for solitude, but as a natural pessimist I am quite worried for him, and selfishly for myself as well. The boy is the delight of my heart. His differences and his cheek are seasoning for my soul, his optimism offsets my pessimism and his joy balances my frequent melancholy. To simply say that I love him would be a gross understatement.
He has changed my life. I have learnt so much from him, though he would not believe it so.
The worrier in me is feeling a bit frantic. We are less than three weeks from his commitment ceremony and little flags are going up in my mind. What else could he have to 'think' about'?
I can only assume that perhaps someone has spoken to him and upset him. He was allotted an hour online this morning to attend to business. Again I hope this is simply my fear rearing its head and not something concrete. Perhaps it is finally sinking in about Ms Grace leaving? I do not know.
I shall speak to him when he returns. He has his mobile and has promised me that he is 'okay'. I'm not sure how I should take that. He did not seem the least bit okay when he left. I am worried and I feel very pained to know that he is struggling with something and will not let me help ease the burden.
I must get to my tasks but he is on my mind. Dear, Michael boy, please be safe.
Ryan
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Autumn is a lovely time of year. There is the first cold snap in the air. The leaves change then fall. I much prefer it to what follows as I have never been fond of winter.
The heating throughout the house and in the flat has been lit today. It is the first instance, since Spring, that it's been required.
The higher tog duvets have been put on the beds and the smaller quilts and afghans lay in readiness across the chairs and sofas.
Seasoned and non-seasoned firewood is in abundance and a fresh stock of Grand and Premier Cru has arrived so that we may keep ourselves and our guests well supplied this festive season.
Ms enjoys the scents of cinnamon, nutmeg and hazelnut at this time of year so there are several pots simmering with that particular richness. All the seasonal decorations, centrepieces, and arrangements are in their proper setting.
And with that I breathe a temporary sigh of relief.
I haven't long to write today. I was only mindful of the moment. Something stirred within me and I felt compelled to sit in stillness for a short time. Life is fleeting, after all. Ms always reminds us to look at life from every angle. To reflect and contemplate, and to be thoughtful of our place in life, and our surroundings.
As I write the rain is falling softly and I am delighted to be warm indoors. Have a peaceful Autumn day.
Ryan
]]>Thursday and Friday were spent preparing the house for the celebrations the end of the month. Also the intensive shopping spree in which all the difficult to find items were tediously and meticulously procured.
The gown Michael is to wear for the collaring ceremony will have to be let out a bit as he is slightly thicker in build than am I.
I needn't tell you, the fitting went over like a lead balloon, especially as Michael was unaware of the attire and the fact that the traditional gown, worn by myself at my collaring as well as by several previous boys at their ceremonies, is in fact a lovely shade of crimson pink.
The mouth dropped open, the brow furrowed, and there was an 'uh uh, no way' uttered. Ms only smiled and said if he wished to become beta he would not only wear it, but wear it with gratitude and honour. He agreed, but with great reluctance.
The caterers have been round a second time as the first choice Ms had made for the evening's cuisine has proven impossible to accomodate. It does seem odd. I might have thought She would choose to use a different caterer but the Owner is a longtime friend and thus a new menu was chosen.
Naturally Michael takes an oath to Ms Victoria in the ceremony and a secondary oath to myself, but Ms has decided to require him to display a few of his talents and also to write and memorise a piece, prose or poem, to recite.
He had requested that the talent be running, which is laughable as one could hardly be expected to accomplish such a thing in the ballroom before an audience, but Ms has stated that he will sing something of Her choosing. She will decide this weekend and after it is passed on to him, he and I will work on it diligently until the day arrives.
The invitations were sent out the beginning of last week and already we have nearly complete assurance via RSVP that all invited shall attend.
Despite his distaste at the mandatory apparel, Michael is getting quite excited as the day draws nearer. He is ready to receive the marks that will be given him; a tattooed emblem set in the interior of his lower lip, and a strike brand of Ms Victoria's personal seal on his inner right thigh. He seems to look forward to these rituals most which I suppose is not surprising.
He has a bit of nervousness surrounding the ceremony itself and truly this is not without cause. Many of the guests are incredibly stern with regard to Female Superiority and would not be amused by unorthodox behaviour in a male. Michael's natural tendency to 'cheek' would be seen as uncouth and improper; very unbecoming a collared submissive.
Also it may be noted that not all of the Dominants share Ms Victoria's passion for youth. Many of the submissives, in fact most, will be over the age of 40.
This ceremony is a solomn act that should be approached with great humility and gratitude by the boy being accepted. He knows he must be on his very best behaviour so as not to shame his Mistress. Both Damon and myself have had a hand in grooming the boy for his special day.
Very exciting days to come, indeed.
It is also worth mentioning here that Michael's aunt, Ms Grace, has decided to take up residence in Miami again. She states that she misses her friends and her church activities.
Naturally Ms Victoria understands, and though we will all miss her daily presence, her fine 'soul food' and baking, as well as her gift for storytelling, we will bid her a very fond farewell. Michael is taking it well at present but will likely need comforting when Ms Grace does take her leave.
Ryan
]]>As per my usual custom I travelled to my parents' home for Sunday Roast. Mother is a wonderful cook and I always enjoy her homemade yorkshire puds with the vegetarian gravy She makes especially for me. She still chides me regarding my refusal to consume roasted flesh, stating that I am certainly not taking in enough protein. In order to avoid a 'discussion' and the resulting probability of indigestion I assure her that I am quite well, my GP has declared it so, and she is not to worry.
We had a nice reminiscence this afternoon, of Mrs. Lundstrom and her lovely baked cherry tarts. I especially remember those. Mrs. L was the cook in the household where my father was butler and lived across the courtyard from us on the estate property. I would return home from boarding school on weekends and catch the aroma of home baking wafting on the air. Fresh bread rolls, buns and cakes of every variety, but the cherry tarts were my favourite.
Mrs. Lundstrom was married to Mr. Lundstrom, the gardener, and we were on such familial terms that I was encouraged to address him as Uncle Ted. No children were born of their marriage and thus they doted on me quite shamelessly. In truth, all the servants in the household were like an extended family to me.
Sadly, both of these charming souls have passed on into the next life. Quite often on my visits home we remember them to one another. I had a bit of a sentimental thought on the drive home, a vision in my mind's eye of Uncle Ted cradling my little girl. The thought brought a warmness to my heart and a slight smile to my lips.
This evening finds me a bit weary, but for reasons I can easily identify.
After an impromptu seeding session with MsV, Michael returned to the flat at half 2 this morning, waking me from a deep sleep. I was awake from that time until a quarter of 4 due to the boy's extreme snoring. It would not be unreasonable to equate him with the 125 decibels of a heavy metal rock concert performance. I have made a note in my diary to ring the Doctor's surgery tomorrow and procure an appointment for our human buzzsaw to see what may be done to cure him.
Mother cat was waiting on the doorstep of the flat to greet me when I arrived home. Mewing and creating quite a fuss for attention. I brought her in and we rested in my chair. I, reading over some of my manuscript and stroking her gently, was rewarded with a handsome purring. Her purr is so resonant and throaty. A cat's purr has always comforted me, both the feel and the sound of it. Such a contented girl she is.
Michael comes in from the garden and immediately, taking notice of Mame (mother cat), he strongly entreats me to take her out as he is allergic to cat dander. I oblige him as I know it is the truth. From the fence she looks back at me, eyes squinted against the sun. The very tip of her tail points skyward and twitches ever so slightly as she meows her soft goodbye and makes a move to the stables to join her children. She is a lovely, dear girl.
It seems sentimental thoughts and feelings have ruled the day, and truly that is not discommodious in the least. It is good to remember and to appreciate. It is also good to enjoy some of the simple pleasures that come without a fee attached.
I would like to take this opportunity, in closing, to wish my friend and fellow submissive, Tanomar, a very Happy Birthday. I believe that he will be 50. Enjoy the day, Tan, and the delight in life you share with Ms Juleen. All of us wish you many happy returns of the day.
Ryan
]]>It appears that Michael has taken it upon himself to post pictures of me on his media without asking my permission. This is likely because he is all too aware of the answer I would have given. It is this simplest sort of misbehaviour that exasperates me.
What is the benefit to anyone in displaying my photograph on his blog? His blog is meant to be about himself and his feelings, yes, but in expressing himself he should observe and respect the rights and wishes of others. He is still falling short of the mark in this one area. He takes liberties.
I will not say more on the subject here, although I will take it up with him in a few moments when I wake him.
I wish to let all those who have expressed concern for me know that I am well. I regret worrying anyone as it appears I have done in writing a few of my recent entries here. It is true that I sometimes struggle with my emotions, but in the name of good self discipline and honour I will press on. I do not believe it to be too prideful a statement to say that I come from hearty stock. Those in my family are well renowned for their fortitude and steadfastness. I am only one link in that chain.
It does not upset me that Michael, the Goddess willing, will father a child with MsVictoria. For my longstanding readers, you will remember It is not as though I have always had Her attentions to myself. I came into this household as a third boy. I learnt early on to appreciate any of the priceless moments She focused on me and gave me Her love.
I am still that boy. I am still ever true and willing to submit to Her desires and tend fully to Her needs.
What is love anyway? It is the giving of one's self fully and completely. It is the strong feeling in the breast that makes the heart quicken whenever the object of one's affection comes into view, or enters the mind. It is knowing that at the very depths of my being that Her happiness is mine. That has not changed and were I one to wager I would lay money to say it never will.
It is fair to say, that even if we were not living a D/s lifestyle Ms Victoria would still own me. I have loved Her intensely nearly from the night She took me home. I have given my heart, my mind and my soul to Her for as long as I live.
I must begin my day now. I thank my friends for their concern and their kindness toward me. I do not wish to be a burden to anyone. I wish to be a blessing and a friend to lean on when required, for the old addage is true: it is better to give than to receive.
Ryan
]]>I'm feeling a bit better. I've been on medication for 4 weeks which is meant to help. My doctor did say it takes a bit of time to make a change but perhaps it is doing so. It was a bit of a disappointment to need that sort of assistance I suppose, but one does what one must.
Michael's piano lessons are coming on well enough. He can find middle C and he has mastered playing fortissimo without being taught. (chuckles) He is not shy about it, and actually is a good student. I told him we shall take on the oboe next at which point he gave me a very unkind look.
We attended a wedding last Saturday. It was lovely and the carvery roast that was served at the reception was perhaps one of the best I've had. The happy couple have had their share of good and bad in the past four years of engagement. In the end it all comes down to love and commitment. I do wish them both well in their continuing journey through life. As they survived Michael's confetti cannon I imagine they will do very nicely in future.
I fear this will be a short post as it is time to wake the boy from his rest. I do mean to petition Ms once more concerning a solution for his snoring. Why a fit boy should snore like that is beyond my comprehension. Perhaps there is something amiss?
I wish you all a lovely day.
Ryan
]]>Perhaps in writing this I am seeking to preserve my sanity and my ability to function as I always have.
I'd such lovely high hopes for 2007. There was the promise of new life, and fatherhood, and the joy of every aspect from nappies to first teeth waiting there to experience, and yet it was all taken away.
After the weeks that have passed I am beginning to feel the grief more fully. I dream about her, in particular those few solitary moments when Michael and I held her small, lifeless body and cried. Twice in the past month I have woken myself in tears.
The holiday cruise we took recently did provide a distraction, but afterward I simply felt a great weight of guilt for having put Celestia on a shelf, as if the memory of her was something I should toss aside, like so much rubbish. How utterly selfish, for if her father will not remember her who will?
Also, recently I recieved some very sad news of a friend who has terminal brain cancer. This was totally unexpected as I believed Her to be well and prosperous. I regret that when I was told I reacted poorly and without intent, hurt Her feelings.
I have lost my sense of self control from time to time. I have lashed out at Michael and even used a slightly stern voice with MsV when She pressurised me to give an explanation for my melancholy.
What has happened to me? Why can I not keep my mind focused on being who I am and staying within the boundaries of proper submissive conduct?
I suppose it is also difficult because my mother is beginning to question me
about when Ms and I shall 'try again'. I can not set it out plainly for her as it would only serve to make things worse, but how deeply I would like to tell her I will not embark upon that journey again.
Certain decisions have been made here with regard to parenthood. There are those who would like to partake of that role and those who would not wish to revisit it. Ms and Michael should both like to become parents. I am no longer interested in the prospect. I should never like to go through that completely heartwretching experience ever again in my life. I do not believe I would live through it.
I should not have written tonight. I do not have the heart for it, and it is likely not going to make sense to anyone, not even myself when the dawn comes in the morning.
Ryan
]]>I'm currently making the mental adjustment. I haven't any idea why I thought today would be Sunday. Waking amidst a dream I suppose.
I wish I possessed the words to adequately describe Michael's face upon seeing his surprise yesterday afternoon.
In celebration of his new Beta position, MsV gifted him with an American sports car in a lovely deep metallic red. A 2007 Chevrolet Corvette Convertible. She had considered waiting until the 2008 would be available in the UK but after going over the new specs on that model Ms felt Michael could do without the additional horsepower the '08 offers, where speeds of 190mph+ would be no great feat. She also felt that it would be more timely to bestow the gift now rather than later.
He was utterly gobsmacked, almost speechless. When he could speak he asked Ms, twenty times if once, "Is this mine?" Something She might ordinarily not have had patience with, but that under the circumstances She tolerated and answered repeatedly.
He laughed, cried and hooted aloud, walking round and round the vehicle caressing its finish. He kissed both Ms (without permission) and myself quite firmly sulla bocca. Ms laughed and seemed quite pleased with his jubilant reaction. I'm ever so pleased for him as well.
As one might imagine, I spent the better part of the afternoon in the passenger seat of the car. Ms had Her turn as well, although breif. She is still a bit exhausted from our holiday. Also I believe that riding with Michael here on our roads makes Her a bit nervous.
It is nearly 6am and the boy has his morning chores to begin as well as a few business appointments this afternoon so I shall wake him shortly.
I do not need to tell you that he has already inquired about taking the new car on his rounds today and Ms has answered in the affirmative. I suppose I should have an interesting afternoon 'riding shotgun' as he calls it.
I must get on. I wish all my friends a lovely day.
Ryan
]]>But, nevermind, we are home again and refreshed.
I am quite excited about a delivery that will be coming for Michael today. He has been given a few clues and is, I must admit, on the right trail.
The clues: It is red. It is American. It is befitting a boy such as Michael. I feel as excited as he does which makes a change, lol. I feel he shall be ever so pleased and that will give both MsV and I great joy.
Fiona reports that there were no troubles or worries whilst we were away. My mother cat is expecting kittens again, or so it appears. I've yet to suss just who the offending male is but I highly doubt it is Fiona's ancient tom. He never hunts and tends to spend most of his waking hours, which are few, in Fie's quarters on the windowsill. But who can know for sure?
I shall take my leave now and continue with my day. It looks as though it will be a lovely morning. If yesterday was any indication of the day to come it will be very pleasant.
Ryan
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