Per Ms Victoria's instruction I shall begin a new phase here on my web log. She wishes me to address issues of interest to other submissives; to share what I have learnt over the past seven years with those who may be striving to find answers.

I shall begin with a comparison between what it is to visit a Professional Dominatrix verses what it means to live in service to a Lifestyle Dominant Woman.

I have lived seven years in a FLR (Female Led Relationship). I entered Ms Victoria's household in May 2000 under a training contract and then after training graduated to become Her gamma submissive. (She already had an alpha and a beta upon my enrollment in training) As the years have past there have been draumatic changes (too intricate and detailed to explain it all in this entry) and today I am Her alpha submissive. Furthermore, we are expecting a child in July. I could not be more content and joyful in my circumstance.

I also must confess that I personally have not had the experience of sessioning with a Professional Dominatrix. So what follows is based on my personal knowledge as well as the information I have gleaned from other lifestyle submissives who have frequented Pro Dommes in the past.

My understanding is that a meeting is arranged, important issues are discussed regarding the arrangement (eg: limitations, tribute, what the boy desires and whether or not the Domme is willing to facilitate his fantasies), and ultimately a scene is played out between the two of them. How often they meet varies.

In my humble opinion the two settings are completely different. I can not stress this enough. The dynamics involved are nearly opposite when compared.

In sessioning with a Pro Domme, one is paying for a service instead of being a servant. There is little if any true relationship between the Domme and Her client other than a professional one, as it is afterall, a business arrangement.

Like it or not, the boy is in the position of ultimate authority as he initiates the sessions. He wants something and expects Her to provide it. Essentially he has paid tribute for a service to have his needs met. Apart from a return customer, I cannot imaging that he is valued as a true sub would be. In my opinion this sort of arrangement can not compare to the joys of true service. It is a transaction.

In living and serving a Lifestyle Dominant Woman the boy goes through a process of learning how to earnestly give of himself; he begins the journey of becoming Her beloved and trusted servant. The Dominant is in full control. She guides and directs and the boy obeys. There is potential for a very deep interaction between the Mistress and Her boy that may span years, and perhaps a lifetime if the boy is fortunate to have found favour with a Compatible Dominant.

I see Lifestyle D/s as far more personal and indepth. You are living your daily life, not just a few hours, in service; day-by-day and moment-by-moment channelling your energies into pleasing Her.

Of course conditions must be right. Care must be taken both on the part of the Dominant and the submissive to insure that the play stays within the boundaries of the SSC ethos. A trust must be established and over time strengthened. I will attempt to outline in detail the principle responsibilities of Dominant and Submissive in a later posting.

I am sure moving into a lifestyle relationship would be quite an adjustment for a boy who is accustom to using the services provided by a Professional Dominatrix. He will have to relinquish the control he is accustom to having with the Pro Domme and endeavor to delve deeper, to present himself to the Lifestyle Dominant as a pure and willing vessel. He will have to learn everything from Her intonations to Her preferences.

But the rewards... indeed the rewards are great for both parties. In my own case, words can not adequately describe the joy I have found in serving Ms Victoria. I have no doubt that this is where I am meant to be and shall remain for as long as She is pleased to possess me.

I hope that perhaps this may be of help. If there are any questions I would be happy to entertain them via comments here or if privacy is desired, via the blog site's personal message system.

Respectfully,
Ryan

It has been a busy week for me since last I wrote.  Although not allowed to see Mistress due to the quarantine, I do stay in communication with Her via phone, intercom and for longer expressions via email.  As one might imagine, this is not the same as being in Her presence.

She has been experiencing a bit of 'false labour'.  My concern is how does one know it is false?  At what point can the false or precursory nature of these contractions translate into actual labour? 

It worries me, and in turn, my worry seems to aggitate Her.  I try to shake it off, and when that seems impossible I attempt to conceal my nervousness.  This does not work, as Mistress has known me, explored the very depths of my being in fact, and sees my true heartfelt feelings easily, even with Her only access to me being via voice.  She does not need to physically see me to know I am filled with trepidation concerning Her wellbeing and the onset of the birthing process.  I look forward to holding Celestia in my arms, to meeting my daughter in the flesh, but I do so dread the painful journey that it will mean for Ms.

Were the choice left to me I would plead with Her to choose to give birth in the least painful way.  Ms is a very physically well person generally.  In the seven years that I have served Her, She has only been terribly unwell perhaps on four occasions.  In those times I was very concerned and at least once I can recall feeling nearly faint upon seeing Her in such agony.

I am able to 'hold it together', as Michael says, for the sake of the moment and Her need of my strength to endure.  I am determined to keep steadfast and calm to the best of my ability during these days leading up to the birth and hopefully throughout the last hours of the pregnancy.

Michael is finding a great deal of amusement  it seems, in catching me pacing or chewing on my pencils rather frantically in between scribbling down notes in composition.  He sees my actions when I, in my preoccupation, do not.  

"You're doing the caged animal thing again, Ryan."  He says from the bath.  I suppose even though he can not see me his ears can here my pacing across the floor.

I'm working on it.  I am giving my best effort to be mindful of my fears and worries and when I do realise them to quell them and soothe myself with affirmations of how well it will all go in the end.

Nonetheless, I look forward to the end of our quarantine.  It will be bliss to be in Her presence again.  Perhaps then my eyes will be able to convince my mind that all is truly well after all.

Ryan 

I haven't long to write so I will relay the information with a bit of haste.

Our boy got a bit more rest last evening.  He slept five hours in succession which I'm sure he sorely needed. 

He's been fairly strong minded throughout all of this, but did inform me that this was not a sort of pain that he enjoyed.  To try to lighten him a bit I told him that made sense to me, as there is no 'sting' in vomitting.  To which he said, 'Unless it goes up your nose.'  Half a smile with that, which faded quickly due to another onset of stomach cramps.

We did not have the Doctor round yesterday.  Michael kept insisting it was not necessary.  He said, 'I just need you.'  So I stayed and helped by getting cool cloths,  rubbing his feet and hands in an attempt to draw attention off his stomach as well as holding his hair out of the way when it was necessary.

I did go to the chemists and got a mixture called J. Collis Browne's mixture which contains a small amount of morphine anhydros as well as peppermint oil and other ingredients.  it seemed to reduce the amount of sickness a bit.  Michael confirmed that it tasted as bad as it smelled but said, 'I'll try anything.'

On the way back from the chemist's I was witness to a shocking accident.  A nine year old boy on his bike passed me on the pavement and seconds later, at the roundabout, he was hit headon by a car.  Myself and another man administered first aid and made the necessary calls.  The driver did not leave the scene, but was too shocked to be of much assistance.  The poor lad's head went through the windscreen, but even in shock he had pulled himself free and stood in the street crying and shouting.  We calmed him, kept him still and talking.  It was remarkable that his blow did not cause him to lose conciousness. 

We managed to get his home phone number, his name and age from him.  I had phoned 999 whilst the other fellow phoned the boy's mum.  In a matter of perhaps 10 minutes the ambulance arrived and the police roared onto the scene about five minutes later.  I was delayed getting the medicine back to Michael by over an hour due to having to give details and a statement to the police.

I do hope the young  boy will be okay.  I've thought about him through the night.

I've spent a bit too long here, as I am often known to do.  I do wish my friends a good day and I wish the same for our household as well.  It would be lovely to get back to normal.

Ryan

Just past the hour of 10pm last evening, Michael began to get sick.  He has not stopped being sick for more that three quarters of an hour at a time since, thus neither of us have had much sleep. 

It appears that he is suffering with the same stomach ailment that Mistress endured last week.  I am certain that our night out Saturday had very little to do with what is happening now, other than to perhaps weaken his resistance just a wee bit more.

So there are cold compresses, a bucket, and extra soft blankets at hand.  I may visit the chemist's later this morning to see if they have any anti-emetics that may bring the boy some relief.  He is truly very ill at this point and refuses any liquid by mouth.  If there is nothing more we can do to stop the vomitting then I'm sure Mistress will have me ring our physician for a home visit.  If he carries on as he has been he will certainly become dehydrated. 

This also means a period of quarantine from Mistress, likely for the both of us.  We certainly do not want Her to relapse.  Therefore our communication with Her will be limited to voice via intercom or phone.  

I must admit to feeling quite exhausted at this point.  I do hope he will start to settle soon.

Ryan